Did you know that asking why makes one lie?
How many times have we found ourselves in a pattern or behavior that we do over and over again that creates an end result that we absolutely loathe or despise, and then we have asked ourselves that question, “Why do I keep doing this?”
Or better yet, you’re with a member on your team in your business and you ask them, “Why do you do this? Why do you keep doing this? Why does this keep happening?”
It’s not like you’re not going to get an answer but I’m going to tell you right now: the answer you get is completely incorrect and will never be the right answer. Why? Because when you ask yourself WHY for a behavior that continues to happen, if the person (or yourself) knew why you were doing it, you wouldn’t be doing it to begin with.
Well so why is there an answer that comes up? Because when you ask the question “Why?” whoever you’re asking whether it be yourself or somebody else is going to feel compelled to answer that question. And if they can’t answer properly, they’re going to make up something in their head just so they can give a sufficient amount of answer. I know some of you are nodding your heads, because you can recall the last time you gave yourself an answer to a “Why do I always do this!” question. Was it a “Huh, maybe it’s this!!!” Well, you may have thought you discovered something new about yourself. Or your unconscious just made something up.
Now, one could say, “Well, but I DO know why”. But if you really truly knew why you were doing that or why you’re doing a behavior that led to an undesirable end result, then you wouldn’t be doing it anymore. The answer lies deeper than that.
So, the question is, “Well, then, how do I get to the deeper answer?” First and foremost, stop asking why about sequences, programs, strategies, or behaviors that produce an undesirable end result or circumstance. What you want to start asking and get really good at asking is asking the question HOW or WHAT.
How do you know to behave this way?
How do you know to make those types of decision?
What is it that compels you to make a specific decision that way that leads you down this path to this end result?
What you want to do is when you start asking the question how and what in a line of questioning, it starts helping you or the person that is going through this behavior to deconstruct that pattern. By being able to deconstruct that pattern, you’re going to be able to find a point in that pattern where you can interrupt it.
For example, if you have a specific behavior that keeps you from taking action every single time on a specific activity that you know is going to grow your business and yet time and time again you just don’t do it. Maybe you get yourself distracted. Instead of asking yourself, “Why do I keep doing this?”, “How do I know when to not or when to decide to not do a particular action?”
This is going to take a little fine tuning after a lifetime of asking the question why. So, what I challenge you to do is start to eliminate why out of your vocabulary when you’re questioning something that you don’t know the answer to and start to use questions that start with, “How do you know?” and “What is it?” or “What specifically is the reason?”
I know it takes a little bit, but this is going to be an extremely powerful shift for you.
What are you waiting for?
